Wanting Heaven

Sometimes I try too hard to make things just right. I want everything in my home to run smoothly. I work hard to keep my family on track. Make sure everyone is eating just right. Intercept harsh words. Iron out all the wrinkles. Neat. Clean. Orderly. Nice. Encouraging. Unity. Home. Family. Work. People. I want perfect!

The problem is, when I go into perfection mode, I begin to get anxious. Didn't I just read something about not letting my heart be troubled? But sometimes I go there. I work hard to create a perfect world around me inside my home, outside my home. I try to control things, and then: 

I worry.

The result? I make oodles of mistakes and generally get more and more frustrated with life.

I exhaust myself.

I reach the end of my rope.

I run out of resources.

I cry.

I let go.

I stop thinking.

I stop controlling.

I stop worrying.

I give control back to where it belongs: the hands of the One who made this world. (Ironically I never really had control anyway – it’s just a fantasy we humans like to entertain)

I’m glad. Oh, so glad to be done.

The amazing thing about letting go is I begin to see important things that were there all along, but I couldn't see… blinded by my drive for perfection. What could possibly be more important than creating my own, personal utopia?

Other people. 

Other people with real needs and real problems. Other people that I can help. Other people who aren't perfect and, like me, cannot be perfect. Other people that I can pray for. Other people I can learn from.

Funny how focusing on my small slice of life and trying to make it perfect fixes blinders on me and I don’t see past, well, myself. Yuck.

I think that my striving for perfection is really a longing for home. Not here in Minnesota, in America, on this earth, but in heaven: my eternal home. So while I’m here, I will live amid the chaos, wrinkles, tears, frustrations, imperfections. And there are many. But I will keep heaven in my heart. Now that is peace.

ENCOURAGEMENT: Don’t look for heaven on earth, it won’t be found. Rather, find ways to help others amid this crazy, crooked world. Be a slice of peace.