People Pleasing Syndrome

I spent years (literally) seeking approval from the people in my life. Sometimes I got it and sometimes I didn't. When I didn't I would jump through whatever hoops I thought necessary to make said person happy. What an emotional roller coaster ride! Worst of all, most of the people I was trying to impress didn't even seem to notice. Sigh.

Now, there's nothing wrong with making someone happy, or serving others for their benefit, but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about a common condition that infects the body, mind, and spirit: People Pleasing Syndrome (PPS). It is the effort to change yourself, your personality, your goals and priorities, in order to be liked and accepted by others.

One of the many problems that comes with PPS is it doesn't really work. For starters, we humans can only put on a show for so long. Sooner or later the real us must emerge and all our effort to be someone else fails. It leaves one exhausted and dejected. From there it's a quick step into self-pity/victim mode. But that's another disease altogether.

I find it difficult to observe other people-pleasers. They seem to be putting on a show that nobody even bought a ticket to see. It's so self-inflicted and futile. Sad. A monumental waste of time. That was me.

But diagnosing someone else with PPS can also be a waste of time. For me, I had to come to this realization on my own. And while it was painful, and recovery is an ongoing process (like AA for people-pleasers), the outcome is something I have become even more addicted to than wanting others to like me. It's freedom. But freedom is not the condition, it's the result. The result of something called BYC.

Here's the deal:

PPS is the condition. Frustration, exhaustion, self-pity, and a victim mentality are the results (symptoms, if you will).

BYC is the abbreviation for Be Yourself Condition. You are infected with it only by understanding that God created you to focus on a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and what He wants for your life, not what other people want for your life.

Now there are other conditions that act a bit like BYC but they are not the real deal. They often carry symptoms like arrogance and turning your back on difficult people. But true BYC causes such security in life that the results include: loving others no matter who they are, trusting in God, and, of course, being yourself wherever you are. It is only through faith that the pure form of this condition can be contracted.

As mentioned, the best result (symptom) is freedom. Once I got a taste of it I was an instant addict. And truth is the only dealer. Truth in life, truth about God, being honest about who I am, is the only way to get my fix. Truth: by far the best drug on the planet!

I must confess, PPS still reinfects me from time to time. I don't know if I will ever be completely healed in this life. But honestly, I don't fear it anymore. It goes back to truth (doesn't everything?). I've had PPS, I know it, God knows it, others know it, it can't kill me (just cripples for a time), and someday it will be completely eradicated as a disease.

"...If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free" (John 8:31-32).


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