Becoming Mary

Last week I spent some time thinking about the busy, busy life I live. Admittedly, I am my own task master.

One morning, while reading from the Bible, I came across the story of Mary and Martha. They were close friends with Jesus. These two women were about as different as night and day.

As Mary sat at the feet of Jesus, soaking in His words, Martha was a busy bee, getting everything done around the house.

When Martha complained to Jesus that she was doing everything and Mary was doing nothing, Jesus gently rebuked her.

 "...Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

Now I come from a family that believes there is little, if anything, more important than hard work. And in one sense I think it's true. But I don't think Jesus is talking about hard work vs. being lazy. I think He is telling Martha that in her worried and frazzled, busy life, always getting everything done, she is neglecting to take time to learn from Him. Time to sit at His eternal, omnipotent feet.

While we should never use the Lord as an excuse to shirk our duties, we must also never use our duties to shirk our need to sit at the feet of our God.

I began to wonder if I were more often like Mary or more often like Martha. I think I would have to say Martha. Ouch. Am I, too, jealous of those who sit at the feet of our Savior as if they haven't a care in the world? I hope not. But I do, at times, feel drained from the load of my schedule.

In further contemplation, I realized that a busy schedule is not necessarily the problem. The robber of time with God is unnecessary busy work.

We are a culture of busy work. I'm afraid a lot of it can go into the category of unnecessary. Sigh. Why do we feel the need to fill every nook and cranny with activity? I surmise that busyness is the enemy of peace. Not necessary busyness, but unnecessary busyness.

Why sit at the feet of Jesus, anyway? What is to be gained by that? Well, if I (a follower of Jesus) am to be like Him, don't I need to learn from Him?

And why do I need to be more like Jesus, anyway? Because I live in a world full of Marthas. I live in a world full of unnecessary busyness. A world lacking peace. A world lacking love. A world lacking people who are willing to set it all aside to be more like Jesus.

And isn't Jesus who we all really need?

So, today I will say this prayer: "Lord, make me more like Mary where you are concerned and more like you where the people around me are concerned."

People Pleasing Syndrome

I spent years (literally) seeking approval from the people in my life. Sometimes I got it and sometimes I didn't. When I didn't I would jump through whatever hoops I thought necessary to make said person happy. What an emotional roller coaster ride! Worst of all, most of the people I was trying to impress didn't even seem to notice. Sigh.

Now, there's nothing wrong with making someone happy, or serving others for their benefit, but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about a common condition that infects the body, mind, and spirit: People Pleasing Syndrome (PPS). It is the effort to change yourself, your personality, your goals and priorities, in order to be liked and accepted by others.

One of the many problems that comes with PPS is it doesn't really work. For starters, we humans can only put on a show for so long. Sooner or later the real us must emerge and all our effort to be someone else fails. It leaves one exhausted and dejected. From there it's a quick step into self-pity/victim mode. But that's another disease altogether.

I find it difficult to observe other people-pleasers. They seem to be putting on a show that nobody even bought a ticket to see. It's so self-inflicted and futile. Sad. A monumental waste of time. That was me.

But diagnosing someone else with PPS can also be a waste of time. For me, I had to come to this realization on my own. And while it was painful, and recovery is an ongoing process (like AA for people-pleasers), the outcome is something I have become even more addicted to than wanting others to like me. It's freedom. But freedom is not the condition, it's the result. The result of something called BYC.

Here's the deal:

PPS is the condition. Frustration, exhaustion, self-pity, and a victim mentality are the results (symptoms, if you will).

BYC is the abbreviation for Be Yourself Condition. You are infected with it only by understanding that God created you to focus on a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and what He wants for your life, not what other people want for your life.

Now there are other conditions that act a bit like BYC but they are not the real deal. They often carry symptoms like arrogance and turning your back on difficult people. But true BYC causes such security in life that the results include: loving others no matter who they are, trusting in God, and, of course, being yourself wherever you are. It is only through faith that the pure form of this condition can be contracted.

As mentioned, the best result (symptom) is freedom. Once I got a taste of it I was an instant addict. And truth is the only dealer. Truth in life, truth about God, being honest about who I am, is the only way to get my fix. Truth: by far the best drug on the planet!

I must confess, PPS still reinfects me from time to time. I don't know if I will ever be completely healed in this life. But honestly, I don't fear it anymore. It goes back to truth (doesn't everything?). I've had PPS, I know it, God knows it, others know it, it can't kill me (just cripples for a time), and someday it will be completely eradicated as a disease.

"...If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free" (John 8:31-32).


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