Dear Hannah...

It's almost Christmas. Again. I feel as if the older my children get the faster time goes by. Was it really a whole year ago we decorated a Christmas tree with the same ornaments? Seems like a month at best.

Did I say the older my children get the faster time goes by? Same old story. Parents have been saying that for... ever. I remember when my kids were small and people would say to me, "Enjoy them, it goes by so quickly." I'd roll the invisible eyes in my mind and wonder why they said that so often. Didn't they know how long days at home with dirty diapers and runny noses could be?

Well, here I am. It is going by quickly. Just as they said it would. My oldest is 16. Yesterday I listened to her sing and play piano at our school's Christmas Chapel. She was so poised. So talented with things I didn't teach her. So... herself. Independent.

I sat and watched her with a mixture of amazement and nostalgia. What happened to that little girl? She's all grown up. I know, I sound just like those "older" parents who used to say the same thing over and over again... It goes by so quickly... so quickly... so quickly. I get it now.

This morning I got up early. I began paging through some family journals. I fixated on my daughter's journals. I started it when I was pregnant with that first little gift from God.

After she was born came: Dear Hannah...

January 1, 1998
Dear Hannah Mae, 
...You are nearly 10 weeks old... we had quite a Christmas... next year I'm sure you'll be running around with all the other kids...

Wednesday, August 5, 1998
Dear Hannah Mae, 
You won't believe the changes since I last wrote! You now have almost four teeth.

March 18, Saturday
Hannah Mae! You are getting so big. Yesterday we took down your crib and you started sleeping in your "big girl bed."

9-25-01
"I'm gonna get a tissue because I'm gonna wipe the wain out of my eyes." Those, my Hannah, were your words just now. You were sent to your room for not listening. Life is tragic.

1-8-02
Today, Hannah, I told you that you were a gift from God to me. You asked, "Did I have a bow on my head? Was I all wrapped up with tape?"

June 18, 2002
Dear Hannah,
Yesterday after church... you prayed, "Jesus, please come into my heart..."

11-8-02
Hannah's first piano lesson (you can read, too!!).

Oct. 21
Dear Hannah, 
Soon you will be six years old.

3-23-03
Hannah,
Tomorrow your daddy leaves to serve in a war... 

6-28-03
Hannah, 
This morning you said you are going to be a "healthy" farmer and an animal doctor when you grow up. You said, "I'll get up early in the morning to feed the animals, cut the chickens' heads off, and go to the animal doctors."

October 2005
Hannah Mae,
You had your ears pierced about seven weeks ago.

June 2007
First time at camp! You stayed over night for five nights. You loved it!

Dec. 5, 2008
Hannah,
If I had to say what defined the year 2008 for you, it would have to be the song "Fur Elise."

August 3, 2010
...you landed your first babysitting job...

March 21, 2011
...speaking of "cute," you are really into straightening your hair lately. Daddy finds it odd. He said all his life he has only seen girls curling their hair...

Monday, Sept. 5, 2011
Dear sweet Hannah,
School starts tomorrow and I can hardly believe that summer is over.

Tuesday, Sept. 4, 2012
First day of school at Lake Region Christian School. You are so excited...

Saturday, July 20, 2013
Hello driving girl!

Sunday, October 27, 2013
Dear Sweet 16,
Today is your birthday. At this time of the morning, 16 years ago, I was holding you... I really don't know where the time has gone.

It's almost Christmas. My dear Hannah has been busy with her music, school, wrapping gifts for her friends. When I look at her I see a beautiful, young (almost) woman. She's in the kitchen right now talking with her dad about homemade facial scrubs while he pours coffee.

If I close my eyes I can almost imagine she's three again and that little voice and those little arms are reaching up to her daddy. He picks her up and gives her a squeeze. She loves him so. He always was her favorite. And I really don't mind. I think it makes me love her more.

Today I think I'll write in her journal:

Saturday, December 21, 2013
Dear Hannah, 
Christmas break begins today. Two whole weeks off. I know this time will go by so quickly... let's enjoy it.
Love, 
Mom

Who Will Be Linus for Christmas?

One of my favorite Christmas programs is "A Charlie Brown Christmas." I simply LOVE the Peanuts characters. In my opinion, Charles Schultz was a genius. With his characters, he depicts the variety of personalities we find in humans. 

Charlie Brown: The one who always expects the worst. Down in the dumps, glass half empty, nobody likes me, victim mentality person.

Lucy: The one who takes advantage of the weaker man. Puts others down to boost her own self-importance. Bossy. Rude. Ruthless.

Schroeder: The "too wrapped up in my own world" to pay attention or bother with whatever is going on around me sort of person.

Peppermint Patty: Bossy, like Lucy, but in a nicer sort of way. Very self-assured, but not necessarily with a humble spirit. A bit arrogant. 

Marcy: The epitome of idol worshiper. Whatever Peppermint Patty says is golden. Follower.

Sally: Lazy beanbag with the television on sort of person. Usually blames others (Charlie Brown) for her own failures. Just can't take personal responsibility for her mistakes!

Pigpen: Well...

Snoopy: A dog. But not really. He's an outdoor pet who fancies himself more human than some of the humans. My dog is a lot like him.

There are others, as well as...

Linus: Yes, then there is Linus. Sure, he has a security blanket. Who doesn't (figuratively speaking)? Linus is a tell it like it is, no nonsense, real sort of fellow. No cheap shots. No bitterness. No neediness. Just, well, himself. Rather refreshing, I'd say. I like to think of Linus as the sort of guy you'd want around in good times and in bad times. Stable. Really, the blanket is just a representation of what we hold on to in order to help make ourselves feel comfortable. Get over it. Go ahead, try and tell me you don't have a security blanket. I wouldn't believe you. 

Anyway, I got to thinking about the Peanuts characters and the Christmas season and wondering who I am most like during this time of year. In the program they are all running around focusing on the commercialism of Christmas. And Charlie Brown is depressed. It all seems so empty. So busy. So meaningless.

Then, Charlie Brown, at the end of his rope, cries out, "Isn't there anyone who knows what Christmas is all about?"

Linus steps up to the plate. Matter-of-fact Linus say, "Sure, Charlie Brown, I can tell you what Christmas is all about."

Then, he goes into his narration of the Christmas story, according to Luke:

"And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

"And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

"And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

"For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

"And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

"And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men."

Then, he turns to Charlie Brown and says, "That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown."

The entire atmosphere changes. Schroeder plays piano serenely in the background while Charlie Brown walks off with his pathetic Christmas tree. Suddenly, the air is full of meaning. 

Charlie Brown says, "Linus is right, I won't let all this commercialism ruin my Christmas..."

You know the rest. If you don't, get the movie. 

Every year I watch it. Every year I love it all over again. And I wonder, who will be Linus for Christmas this year? Will it be me? Will it be you?

First Snowshoeing Outing

I had my first outing on snowshoes the other night. It was challenging. Strenuous. Laborious. Brutal. Painful. I think I am finally recovered and ready to tackle the trails again.

The thing is, I don't get much exercise when it isn't winter. Nothing that pushes me to the edge of my athletic ability, anyway. One would think I'd learn and do some conditioning during the autumn months. Tout au contraire.

Nevertheless, I love snowshoeing enough to suffer through the first few exhausting outings in order to enjoy a winter full of wonderland in the woods, snow, peace and quite with the company of others on the trail and the woodland creatures.

I went out with a group that was grooming mountain bike trails with their snowshoes. Yes, we groom the trails so the fat-tire bikes can go out and enjoy a ride through the frigid woods. We "stomp" down the snow. It is a bit more than your typical, relaxed excursion on snowshoes. A bit more? It's hard work.

The others with me, I think, were in better shape. They mountain bike all summer. I wondered during the most trying periods of that first stomp if they had thoughts similar to mine. Maybe. Probably not. I have termed my experience:

Evolution of My First Stomp

1. It snows.
2. I get a notice on facebook about a stomp.
3. Excited, I get dressed in multiple layers. It's cold out there!
4. The stomp begins. Hey, I feel pretty good. This is great!
5. Into the woods in the dark with headlamps on. Pretty cool!
6. Feeling exhilarated from the cold air and rush of energy, I feel quite chatty. Laughing and talking with others.
7. Oh, the first hill. Are they really going to keep up this aggressive pace?
8. Maybe so much talking isn't such a good idea. Must reserve energy.
9. Onset of fatigue. And, it's getting a bit hot. Maybe so many layers was a bad idea.
10. Hand sweat so mittens come off. Why did I bring these ski poles?
11. Ugh. Another hill.
12. Stop (briefly) and enjoy the quiet of the woods at night. Beautiful. Serene. Restful. Moving on.
13. At what seems like the end of a trail, the leader turns onto yet another trail in need of stomping. Are these people crazy? My legs are getting numb, and not from the cold.
14. I wonder what my family is doing at home. Eating pizza by the warm fireplace in our family room?
15. More hills. Up and down are now equally strenuous. I want my mommy!
16. If I just drop in a snowbank will they carry me out? Contemplating. Calculating.
17. Leader says the road is just up ahead.
18. Twenty minutes later and no road. Is this the end? Did I tell my husband I love him today? Did I hug my children? Who will feed my dog?
19. Clocking in at about 1 hour 15 minutes of continual stomping. Legs no longer work correctly. Simply stumbling along. Stumbling in snowshoes. It really is true, my life is flashing before my eyes.
20. Wait, is that the road? Merciful road. I love pavement! Just ahead. My car. Don't let them see me weeping with joy. It's over. We did it!
21. Saying goodbye. Snowshoes off. Hugs. Shaky legs. Start the car. Driving home.
22. I can't wait to go again.