The other day my daughter told me about a friend of hers that made a sarcastic remark about her family. Something to the effect of how they don't spend any time together. At first it made me feel badly for the girl, then I thought about the things I do know about her family. They are hard-working people. They send her to a great, private school so she can get a good education. While I'm sure they have their shortcomings and problems, I am also sure there is a lot for the girl to be grateful for. A roof over her head, for starters. She looks neither undernourished nor poorly dressed. Aren't those things some other people don't have?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting good family time together is unnecessary. On the contrary, I value it very much. However, I do not think the lack of it is the worst thing in the world. But it is often the case with us humans, I think, to look at the bad in a situation instead of the good; to look at what we don't have more than what we do have.
I can think back to unpleasant things I went through as a child and beyond. I'm sorry to say I even used to lament over it a bit. There came a time in my life, though, when I learned the secret to letting go of the yucky stuff and moving on. Only then did I fully realize and embrace all the good there was. The secret is summed up in one word: forgiveness. I had to learn to forgive other people. Sometimes, the offense was intentional, but mostly, the offender was simply being, well, human. Just as flawed as me.
When God forgives us our sins, he throws them away and remembers them no more. I don't for a minute imagine that God cannot recall our errors. He can do whatever he wants. I think the meaning is that He doesn't remind us, hold it against us, lament over or give a disapproving head shake over what he has forgiven us for. We humans are not very much like God in this department, I'm afraid.
Sometimes, when we forgive others (or claim to), we keep the offense on file just in case we need to bring it up in some way or another. It may be a tool used for self-pity or to explain away our own bad behavior. Well, I am this way because so and so did this or that! Stop! True forgiveness puts the offense away for good. If it comes to mind, it needs to be tucked away again and again and again.
I heard something on the radio several days ago. Someone said something to the effect of: Time heals nothing, forgiveness heals everything. I keep that truth in my back pocket in case I need to use it (and I do). The way I see it, time just lessens the pain of offense.
To forgive someone for what they have done to offend or hurt you (whether they intended it or not) is the secret to more than just letting go of it, it is the secret to gaining a greater capacity to love. They don't deserve to be forgiven? Who does? Yet, God in His mercy forgives us, when we really repent and seek Him. He, above all of us, has the right to withhold forgiveness. Yet, He doesn't.
I hope my daughter's friend finds peace with her childhood someday and learns to forgive her parents for their imperfections, real or perceived. Perhaps it will come when she finds herself an imperfect parent to her own children.
ENCOURAGEMENT: Extend real forgiveness to someone you have been harboring a grudge against. Never bring it up again, in any way, shape or form.
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