In Two Places at Once

I am increasingly aware of a habit I practice. It is the habit of being in two places at once.

While I am in one place physically, I am in an entirely different place mentally.

My awareness has come only by practicing being present (being all there) wherever I am, both physically and mentally. The inspiration comes through Ann Voskamp's book, One Thousand Gifts. Excellent book.

I notice that while my body is at the breakfast table with my family, my mind is on the appointment scheduled two hours ahead.

Or, while my body is sitting on the couch talking with my husband, my mind is mulling over a conflict I had a week ago. Maybe three months ago. Maybe seven years ago.

How to get my mind to be present where I am.

How to.

And it begins with every day.

Every moment.

Constant practice. Isn't that how habits are formed in the first place? Constant practice?

This habit of being fully present isn't completely new to me. I have dabbled in it over the years. One of the quotes in Voskamp's book is from Jim Elliot (Christian missionary who was murdered in 1956). "Wherever you are, be all there." It was a quote I used to recite when my kids were little. I didn't want to miss a thing!

But time and life pulled me back into the bad habit of the insane, busy, impossibility of being in two places at once. Crazy!

So today at the threshold of a long to-do list, I practiced my newly forming habit of being in one place at one time.

On my deck, watching the sun come up over the pond.

As I watched, I saw what I thought were small leaves blowing around over the sumac trees.

I kept practicing. Disciplining my mind to stay with me. On the deck.

No, don't run ahead to the day's tasks.

I watched the leaves. Odd thing for early summer, falling leaves.

But looking more closely, I realized they weren't leaves at all. They were dancing dragonflies. Putting on an amazing aerial show.

I decided to go down to the pond and take a closer look. I met a friend along the way. Sunbathing.

And I met another friend.

And favorite flowers.

Then, I sat on the dock watching the dragonflies up high. Dancing for an audience of one.

The sun was coming up over the pines. And my mind stayed with my body. And it was thoroughly enjoyable.

Eventually, the sun stopped hiding behind the trees.

So I told myself it was time.

Time to go and practice being in one place at one time somewhere else.

The Meaning of Al.

This week my family is saying goodbye to a friend. Al. He was our next door neighbor. Our only next door neighbor these six years. At 89, he passed away. Left this world.

But he remains with us in some tangible, some intangible ways.

His home is still visible from my living room window. The deck that holds chairs we stained. He liked things painted, trim, neat, done.

Al must mean orderly.

His four-wheeler that transported him from his home to ours is there. He didn't walk well.

Hello. Dinner. Just visit. Watch us do... whatever.

His big window where he watched our kids boating on the pond. Skating on the pond. Swimming in the pond. Hiking around the pond. He loved to watch the kids. They were active. He wasn't so much the past few years.

Al must mean friendly.

Our homes are separated by a gift. A cabin that he built. It was in his woods and he gave it to me.

Gave it to me.
 
By far the most unique gift I have ever received.

Al must mean generous.

We moved it in between our homes. He loved to see us use it.

It has a red door. Some say a red door means "welcome." We were always invited in at Al's home.

Al must mean welcome.

He loved to play cribbage. My son played with him. And loved him.

He was like a grandfather to my son.

Al must mean grand.

He was a WWII Veteran. Stories about his days as a gunner. So many missions. Oh, the stories.

He loved his country. Served. Remembered. Silently honored America every day by flying a flag. It's still there even though he isn't.

Al must mean honor.

Al must mean so many admirable things.

Because he was. Admired.

And now, missed.

Missed terribly.

Yesterday's Birthdays

Tomorrow is my son's birthday. He will be 15. June 19, 2014.

Imagine. My son. 15. He's not even home now. At a friend's house overnight. I won't be the first one to see him in the morning. On his birthday.

It really is odd how time goes by. Time. Goes. Bye.

I wrote in his journal many times on or around his birthday. I think I'll wait this time. I know he likes when I write in his journal. The journal he didn't invent, but now seem to take ownership of at times. But today, I'll write about his journal, not in it. I'll write about birthdays of yesterday...

Monday, June 28, 1999
Dear John, 
Guess what? You are a boy! Your dad and I are so happy to have you here. You were born on Saturday, June 19, 1999 at 9:41 p.m... welcome home!

6-19-01
John-John turns two years old. We had a little party at home... just the family. It was fun. You kept hitting your head on the chair on purpose. I asked, "Are you a clown?" You said, "No clown ma, I Johnny."

June 18, 2002
Dear John, 
Tomorrow you will be three! We are having supper... You said grace tonight. I love to hear you pray... "Heavenly Father, thank you for the food, the door, the milk, and the American flag. Thank you for my sandwich, Mommy, Daddy, me and Hannah, my milk (again). In Jesus name, Amen."

Summer 2006
John Swanson is 7 years old. You have a very busy mouth right now. Two new front teeth are coming in. [I asked you] "What is your favorite food?"
"Um... Pizza, meat, and mustard. Let me think. Watermelon, cantaloupe, honeydew, cherries, and, hmm... peanuts."

John - You are 9! For your birthday I took you and buddy Austin to Lego Land at the Mall of America!

June 20, 2012
Dear John, 
Now that you are 11 years old, I guess I will have to get you a new journal. Not only is the cover of this book a little babyish... but I am running out of pages. You sure have come a long way since the beginning of this journal...

Sunday, June 19, 2011
Happy birthday, John! You officially turned 12 at 9:41 p.m. Today we had a really good time... For supper we had crispy chicken tacos and cherry pie with whipped cream.

June 19
Dear John,
You are officially a teenager - 13 years old today. Happy birthday, Son!

Wednesday, June 19
John at 14 years old. Can you really be 14 today? Where do the years go! It seems like you are growing up too fast...

Nobody really grow up too fast. That is only something parents invented to say when they are missing their kids. Tonight I miss my son on his last day of 14.

Not that I want him to be missing the fun with friends. Home. Like yesterday's birthdays. It's okay he is gone.

Having fun.

Growing up.

I can wait until tomorrow.

Tomorrow when he is 15. 

Happy birthday, John.

Making Home

I sat and watched this little bird the other day. She stopped by this bird house on my deck railing. Shopping.

She must have decided this house was for her because she went to work cleaning it out and bringing in her own stuff. She was a really hard worker and some of the twigs she was moving in seemed too big to fit through the door.

But she persevered. She kept trying. And trying. Until...

Victory!

She made this little house her home.

I admired her, working all afternoon. Creating a space for... her eggs? We'll see.

At any rate she was fun to watch and inspiring in her own little way.

Sometimes I bring home things that don't quite fit through the door. And they are things I really, really need to bring into my house. Things that need to be inside if I want my house to be a home.

The other day I brought home a good attitude. But before I got into the house I saw a pile of shoes on the front deck. Can't anyone put their shoes away?

My good attitude got caught on the door frame as I tried to walk past the shoes. I tried to fit it in, but the shoes! I left it outside amid the mess and brought irritation into the house with me instead. It turns out irritation fits through the door without much effort at all.

Funny how the things we don't need in our house are sometimes the easiest to carry inside.

Disappointment.

Frustration.

Resentment.

Tired.

Sigh.

But that little bird. She knew what was needed in her nest. And even though it didn't want to fit through the door of that little house, she kept on trying until it did. She was making home.

Isn't it the things we bring inside a house that make it home, after all?

I have to go out again today. I think I'll bring home some happiness.

Maybe a bunch of hugs for my family.

Perhaps a whole lot of grace. And smiles. And peace.

Maybe by the time I get home and see that the lawn isn't mowed or the dogs haven't been walked or the shoes are all over again, it will be hard to bring my things inside. Maybe.

But never mind that. A little bird taught me a lesson. She taught me that if the things I need to make my house a home don't want to fit through the door, try again. Twist. Turn. Bend. Don't give up. Try.

Is Anything Better Than Happy?

We live in a world that constantly yells: "Happiness at all cost!"

Well, I won't say happiness is necessarily overrated. Who doesn't want to be happy? Who doesn't want their children to be happy? Who doesn't want people around them to be happy? I sure do.

But there is something that trumps happy.

There is something the world doesn't tell us.

Something... really big. Really important.

It's being blessed by God.

Let me see if I can do this concept justice. Shed some light, unravel this ball of yarn, piece together this puzzle. Blessed or happy? Happy or blessed? Isn't it a blessing to be happy?

Yes.

However, I submit that deeper emotions than happiness are at stake here. Much better, more lasting, more satisfying. And they are not products of circumstantial happiness. They are products of being blessed by God. Specifically, being blessed regardless of our circumstances.

Happiness is dependent upon circumstances. These other emotions (I'll get to them) are not dependent upon our circumstances, but rather, our relationship with God the Father through Jesus Christ. Stay with me here.

The problem: The world has happy up on a pedestal and makes it look like the highest form of feeling, something to be sought, something to be obtained and held and kept.

It's a lie.

How so? If happiness is dependent upon our circumstance (and it is) then how do we keep it? Well, most often the only answer is to change unpleasant circumstances. A.k.a. run away from things that make us unhappy. Goodbye trials. Goodbye unhappiness. Goodbye person. Goodbye job. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Historically, I am more of a runner than a stayer. I used to seek happiness (listen to the world). I'd run away because, in the moment, the inward scream "I'M NOT HAPPY!" was the voice I most often listened to. The funny thing is, I'd run from an unpleasant situation smack dab into another problem. Oh, the other problem didn't always show itself right away, but it was there in the shadows, calculating. Watching. Waiting for me.

And I've had some doozies. They just never seem to stay away. Those problems.

So, what is the solution? How do we bypass this "temporary" happy for the bigger and better emotions?

Let's begin with the book of James, chapter one. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance" (verses 2-3).

It's no secret that trials do not produce happiness. What do they produce?

Perseverance. Stick-to-itiveness. Hmmm. We're onto something here.

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him" (verse 12).

So persevering in the trials produces blessing from God. Why? Because God's will is always chased by blessing. God doesn't tell us to run. He tells us to persevere. Work through it. Wait. We are blessed to the extent that we are DOING THINGS GOD'S WAY!

So, what does it take to do things God's way? One word: Trust.

Trust that God, today, tomorrow, in the end, knows more than we do. He knows trials are hard (some almost unbearable). But he also knows that they are a temporary and most often unavoidable part of this world. Trust. Trust. Trust. And, obey.

Blessing.

Okay, so what are these bigger and better than happy emotions we get? You probably already know.

Joy and peace.

The best part is they are not hinged on circumstances. They are hinged on your trust in God. My trust in God. Our trust in God.

Hang in there.

Don't look to the world.

Look to God.

Trust.

Don't listen to the world's cheer-leading section (and it is very, very loud and very, very large). It yells: "Give me an R! Give me a U! Give me an N! What's that spell? RUN!"

Don't listen.

Persevere.

Trust.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" (Romans 15:13).